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Pants Dance at Sundance — Kim Cattrall: Sexual Genius — Joanna Lumley is Absolutely Naked

January 31, 2006

It may be winter, the slopes covered by thick blankets of snow, but Utah was hotter than any other spot in the country last week thanks to its annual hosting of the Sundance Film Festival. A highlight of the hottest offerings, coming to a theater near you soon, follows.

Underground cartoonist turned Academy Award-nominated screenwriter Daniel Clowes is back with Art School Confidential. It's like his previous Ghost World only better because this time there’s skin. Busty English Tea & A Sophia Myles, who flashed her buttery scones in the made-for-TV movie Colditz, is back for seconds. At the twenty-two-minute mark there's a scene in a life-drawing class where Sophia is the model and she's modeling her bust and bum. Grab your pencils, boys!

When it comes to really graphic sex look no further than Spanish sexport Battle in Heaven. Within two minutes Anapola Mushkadiz is giving Marcos Hernández a blowjob. Now that doesn't suck. Then twenty-two minutes later some uncredited Asian woman is standing full frontal in front of Hernández, who must have been too petered out to pop, as he rejects her. No problem, at the thirty-eight-minute mark there's Hernández having sex with Bertha Ruiz doggy-style. She's a big woman but still give that dog a bone! A few minutes later Big Bertha is showing off her furry bits. Later it's Anapola again getting banged by Hernandez forty-nine, fifty-two, and fifty-five minutes into the film, the latter scene featuring an extreme close-up of her genitalia in all its anatomical glory. It's fitting that the film ends with another blowjob. What a load!

The drama Open Window opens up a window of skin opportunity when five minutes in Robin Tunney flashes her boobies. She even flashes a hint of bush about ten minutes later, but it's hard to enjoy it as it's after she's been raped. To complete the triple play, Robin takes a bath nineteen minutes into the film to wash away the horrible experience, but that doesn't stop the Skinsider from washing up after ogling her great tits and ass.

The Sherry of Sherrybaby is the Skinsider's favorite perv, Maggie Gyllenhaal. She plays a mom back from a stint in prison trying to reconnect with her daughter. She has a strange way of doing that, starting fourteen minutes into the film when she's bent over with no pants on getting it from behind, making for a nice view of her boobs and bum. She says, "My friend shaved it, do you want to kiss it?" But we don't get to see her sugary treat. Needing work, Maggie applies for a job by taking off her shirt and saying, "I'll suck your dick if you give me the job I want." With dialogue like that, it's hard to say which is sexier, her naked breasts or the dirty talk.

It may be called Flannel Pajamas, but former Ally McBeal star Julianne Nicholson isn't wearing any. She's topless and getting eaten out twenty minutes into the film and begging for more. Five minutes later she’s naked and peeing in the tub, and by the thirty-one-minute mark it’s full-frontal nudity time! Five minutes after that she flashes her tush; at the fifty-one-minute mark she's naked putting on her makeup; at the fifty-two-minute mark the Skinsider is cleaning up the mess in my pants.

The Hawk Is Dying offers another look at former Dawson's Creek and current Brokeback Mountain star Michelle Williams. First, fifty-six minutes into the film, Paul Giamatti pulls the covers off her to expose her ass. Then, about fifteen minutes later, Giamatti is imagining her dead and, thankfully, naked in the forest.

First time onscreen and first time naked onscreen is the wonderfully bosomy Caitlin Higgins, who, twenty-five minutes into The Actress, is riding some lucky fellow cowgirl-style and exposing her bountiful breasts. They should have called this movie The Act-Chest!

Could it be that the Skinsider's favorite midget is at Sundance? Fifteen minutes into Wristcutters: A Love Story a topless little person with big pierced tits is lighting cigarettes for Patrick Fugit and Shea Whigham. Though uncredited, she sure looks like miniature porn star Bridget Powers, a.k.a. Bridget the Midget from The Howard Stern Show.

This report could not conclude without sampling a French tart, and so the Skinsider happily serves a sweet dessert with Aurélia Petit, whose petite pair and alluring ass get their close-up thirty-four minutes into The Science of Sleep. Ooh la-la!

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With all the above hopefully making a theatrical stop at your local sinoplex, here are a couple of DVDs to keep you busy until then. First and foremost is Kim Cattrall: Sexual Intelligence, out today on DVD. It's a documentary based on Kim's bestselling book of the same name, which has her swimming in a see-through dress that lets her jugs escape momentarily. That's the only skin, but there is a lot of tease and pokey action, and the Skinsider doesn't mean Pokey as in Gumby.

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Are you a fan of redheaded Brit babe Joanna Lumley of Absolutely Fabulous fame? Then check out Curse of the Pink Panther, out today on DVD. It was the last skinful exposure of her onscreen flashing career, which began way back in 1970 with Games That Lovers Play. Joanna likes to play games with balls--your balls!

DVDs with Nudity!

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