The Skinsider Celebrity Rumors, Celebrity Gossip, Breaking News on Who's Getting Nude
Post-coital SXSW — Nude in Theaters — Blue Plate DVD Specials — Brokeback Mount Her
April 4, 2006
Is that my ten-gallon hat, or is the Skinsider just happy after a week of screening some of the most nude up-and-coming films during the frisky SXSW festival in Texas? There are a few stragglers that I've not reported on in my last couple of columns, but they deserve honorable mention here.
First is 2 A.M., which contains two great tastes that taste great together, as in women kissing. That lovely morsel is served hot and fast by the ten-minute mark when nude to the screen Jamie Korthase smacks lips with Lily McLachlen, another first-timer for the Skinsider. If you think you're dreaming watching these two dreamboats making out for some lucky guy, wait until the actual dream sequence a minute later, when Jamie flashes her panties with Lily and that aforementioned lucky stud in bed during a ménage-à-trois. All that teasing finally pays off about a half hour later when Sonya Tsuchigane, another newbie, flashes her post-op breasts. No, she didn't have a boob job, but cancer. While one's only scar tissue, the other is looking quite healthy.
Another worthy entry is Fuck, a documentary about that most popular curse word. At the thirty-eight-minute mark there's a still of Janet Jackson's naked breast from her super Super Bowl perv-formance of a couple years back. A few minutes later there's some Euro rock band on stage, where the singer is doing to some naked fan the same thing that the title of the movie promises to deliver. It's a bushwhacking scene, if you catch my drift. Forty-four minutes into the film the world of porno is finally breached. Sex star Tera Patrick is featured in clips from one of her explicit hardcore flicks, inter-cut with animals having sex, as if you needed the extra push to the filmmaker's point. The montage is followed by some anonymous porno tits, and an hour and nine minutes into the film a more mainstream sex scene from an early episode of NYPD Blue is shown. In it, David Caruso is making love (because that's what they do on TV, as opposed to fucking in porno) to Amy Brenneman, who shows her T&A. My review? Fucking A!
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Our friends at Mr. Skin have given the Skinsider a sneak peek into the nudity coming to a theater near you, and being the mensch that I am I will now share the goodies with you.
On April 7 there's a trio of trollop-charged entertainment worth the price of admission. Number one is 4, a Russian film with three naked and new-to-me cuties. Look for a three-B view of Mariia Vovchenko within five minutes of the film, dressing after what appears to be an orgy. She's then joined by Irina Vovchenko and Svetlana Vovchenko (sisters?) in a sauna an hour and fifty-five minutes into this steamer.
Lucky Number Slevin continues the weirdly numerical trend for the week, with a nice look at Jennifer Miller's pair. Josh Hartnett walks in on Jennifer getting it from behind and is given a nice view of her undulating udders.
The week rounds out with The Outsider, a documentary on director James Toback during the filming of his When Will I Be Loved. Good readers, you must know that this is the film that exposed a skintacular shower scene with Neve Campbell's belles, which is featured twice, which is nice.
On April 14 The Sisters opens, not to be confused with Le Sorelle, the 1969 feature that features a nude Susan Strasberg. In this contemporary film another blonde, Elizabeth Banks, reveals her ass and some jug an hour and four minutes in.
Then there's the foreign penis pleaser Nathalie…, with three nude scenes from foreign penis pleaser Emmanuelle Béart. She's joined by first-time flasher Sophie Séfériadès, who gets her hooters honked in a lesbo-gyno scene.
And lust but not least is The Notorious Bettie Page, with Gretchen Mol as the nudie cutie. This is the one all you retro pervs have been waiting to wank for.
Looking toward April 21, there's Somersault, with Abbie Cornish showing off her fine set of tits and rear view during foreplay and then a post-sex bath. Also opening is Standing Still, which features Carla Harvey and Eva Derrek as a strippers who get topless in a Jacuzzi forty-six minutes into the film and stay that way in two later scenes with James Van Der Beek. The film also stars Nikki Schieler Ziering as an undercover cop, who is in deep undercover as a topless stripper.
The next month is equally skinful, with Art School Confidential opening on May 5. Cartoonist and screenwriter Daniel Clowes mines his art-school memory with a scene twenty-two minutes into the film featuring Sophia Myles as a nude model. That's T&A that really draws you in. Also opening is The Proposition. Here's a proposition to get your butt in the seat: Leah Purcell's left breast, which is seen down her shirt when she leans over Guy Pearce. And Wah-Wah offers some National Geographic nudity in the fetching form of topless tribal beauties.
By May 12 you'll be howling to Alpha Dog and wagging you tail when Heather Wahlquist flashes her ass and a bit of side breast fifteen minutes in and Amanda Seyfried shows off a brief boob jumping into the pool. There's even anonymous nudity, which is always good. Shadowboxer will cause fisticuffs in your pants when Maria Soccor gets it from behind by a condom-wearing Stephen Dorff and shows off her rack, while old-timer Helen Mirren shows off her mature bottom getting it from Cuba Gooding Jr. Finally Vanessa Ferlito gets topless for Cuba, lucky puppy.
On May 19 there's an invitation with The King, where Pell James’s boobage and Veronica Bernalâ’s right breast prove it's good to be king. That's it for now, but more is definitely coming!
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Today three new special-edition DVDs hit the market, and all hit viewers below the belt. There's Blue Thunder: Special Edition, which stars Anna Forrest as Nude Lucy, and she more than lives up to her name nine minutes into the film doing naked yoga. After winning an Oscar for Best Picture, it was only a matter of time before the new, improved DVD of Crash: 2 Disc Director's Cut came out. It's a nice opportunity to get reacquainted with Jennifer Esposito thirty-eight minutes into the film in the sack with Don Cheadle. Then there's The Long Good Friday: Special Edition, a crime drama that features the only nudity from Pauline Melville. The real crime is that Pauline never showed off her brunette beauties again onscreen.
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I can't sign off without talking about the Oscar upset of Brokeback Mountain, out on DVD today. Yes, it got beat out by Crash for best picture, though it did garner a Best Director statue for Ang Lee. He deserved it for flavoring this gay love story with enough female nudity to keep straight men from squirming too much. Anne Hathaway continues her maturation from The Princess Diaries to The Queen of Dirty, showing off her heavy rack in a car tryst. Michelle Williams, of Dawson's Creek fame, has a nice pair too. There's something for everyone on Brokeback Mountain.
