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Natalie Portman's Darjeeling Derriere Natalie's Rear Port, Man-Redux! Keira, Tightly, In (and Out) of SilkBlue Underground's Italian Boob Feast
February 26, 2008
Arthouse darling Wes Anderson's The Darjeeling Limited bows on DVD today. This Indian railroad adventure promises bliss for fetishists of massive male honkers, as it stars the powerful proboscises of Jason Schwartzman, Adrien Brody, and suicidal good-time guy Owen Wilson. For those of us who pine for pleasures more feminine-and around the bend-skip right to the disc's bonus features, click on the short film Hotel Chevalier, and get ready for a radiant exposure of half-naked Natalie Portman's rear port, man. The ass-end of this Israeli eyeful was ogled countless times once Chevalier became available on iTunes for free, but now we can all enjoy Portman's robustly round posterior in digitally perfect quality. That'll make your locomotive smoke!
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All you Nat Portman fans who have been eagerly anticipating a gander at her beauteous gluteus since her jailbait breakthrough in The Professional-and who were first teased by her thong-a-thong-thong-tastic pole dance in Closer-not only have Hotel Chevalier to check into this week, but you should also prepare to splatter a canvas upon sighting Goya's Ghosts. A half hour into this period art drama from director Milos Forman, Nat's holed up nude in a prison cell and, as she rises to greet a visitor, we get a peak at her perfectly mountable seat meat. Goya-oh, boy-a!
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The British-Japanese co-production Silk centers on an English importer of the titular material who travels to the land of the rising sun-but it's female lead Keira Knightley who will get your gland rising, son. UK A-cupper Keira flashes her eminently snackable chest crumpets three different times here, so keep plenty of Kleenex on hand-unless you're willing to ruin some Silk hankies.
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Blue Underground, those purveyors of vintage grindhouse greats on home video (under the tutelage of legendary exploitation filmmaker William Lustig), have tapped into the Italian horror-mystery genre known as giallo to dish up four flesh-packed '70s-era sex-and-slashery classics anew on DVD. The Blood Stained Shadow, The Case of the Bloody Iris, Short Night of Glass Dolls, and Who Saw Her Die? showcase all the blood and guts that a fright fan could hope for, while also exhibiting the boobs and buns-and occasional unshaven retro rug-that any devotee of swingin' cinema Euro-babes could ever (wetly) dream of. Blue Underground, once again, won't leave you with blue balls.
